you would pick up someone in the library
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize