Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
