think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
