True but thats because hes a fetus.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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