who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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