Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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