im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize