the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize