ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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