so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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