my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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