She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
