I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
