We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
