Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
