we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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