drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
