im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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