I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
