It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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