i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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