I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
