Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
