HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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