the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize