Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
