omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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