Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
