i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
