I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
