Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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