somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
