I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have post one night stand depression
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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