I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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