I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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