im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
