ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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