I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
