Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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