I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
