Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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