Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
