I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
