Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
