It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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