it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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