i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish they made helmets for livers.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
