I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize