I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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