My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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