new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
