worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
