There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
