I wish I only lived at night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
