the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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