its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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