I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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