We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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