I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
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I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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