i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
