How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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