Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
