Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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