Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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