Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
