If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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