Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You don't make any sense
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