dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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