You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The struggles of a small town man whore
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
