I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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