How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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