She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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