i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
