just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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