Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
