butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
