THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
