im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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