New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
