Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
