oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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